Yeah, we aren’t Repressing the Crazy anymore.
I started this blog on WordPress.com shortly after I got back from living in Spain when I was 20 years old. When I was 20, things were very different for me.
During this time, I was processing a lot of things, and I was not okay. And the truth is, I was not okay for a very long time. I shut people out; I developed extreme social anxiety; I started seeing a more prominent manifestation of my OCD; and most importantly, I felt out of control.
And when I decided to start this thing up to make some side cash in college, I had no idea I would still be contributing to it 7 years later. This was an amazing distraction for me, and I was able to put all my excess energy into creating content for my website instead of having meltdowns in my closet.
Repressing the Crazy was literally what I was doing while I was writing flippant blog posts about what I wore while I was teaching or giving a tutorial on my Halloween costume. It seemed simple enough but running around taking photos and shopping for props saved me from spiraling.
And when I moved to Alabama all by myself and was able to finally break through all my trauma, this blog is what helped me every step of the way.
But, there have been so many times where I almost walked away from this.
In my last stint with depression, keeping up with this was like pulling teeth. I didn’t care about creating content or expanding my business, I just wanted to walk away and spend all my free time melting into the couch or listening to my sad girl playlist.
NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE CLICHES
However, everything changed when I got sick. And I get tired of hearing myself say it, but that experience changed everything about my perspective.
I am so much happier and solid now than I have ever been in my life. AND THINGS ARE NOT GOING GREAT. Literally, every time I turn around something else falls apart, but not me. I am still standing.
Old Taylor would have fallen apart months ago, but New Taylor is just taking the punches as she goes like an actual badass. Also, New Taylor reaches out to people for help, so she doesn’t feel like she is taking on the world alone anymore.
I don’t give a shit anymore about being a burden to anyone (which used to be my greatest fear). I don’t give a shit if I am not 100 percent every day. My new philosophy is just to do what I want when I want to.
And I don’t want to make it seem like I am just cured of all my neurotic mental health issues. I certainly did not (I literally just got done having a compulsion attack in bed). But I am living with my OCD, not letting it control me anymore.
OKAY, BUT WHY THE NAME CHANGE? DOESN’T THAT LIKE, DESTROY YOUR SEO AND TAKE MONTHS TO PREP FOR?
Why yes, it does.
Honestly, it’s probably a dumb decision – but please refer to the part where I say I do what I want when I want to.
When I got back from the hospital, all I wanted to do was scrap everything about my life and start over. But with COVID, my options were limited, and the things I really wanted are more difficult to access.
I got a tattoo, but that nowhere near satisfied my mania for change – which led to my decision to completely change the identity of my internet self.
So during my sleepless nights (because I still have issues), this became the project to help pass the time. Kill “Repressing the Crazy” and replace it with something that felt more like me.
And I have hated the name, “Repressing the Crazy,” for a while now. I don’t want to just be the girl with issues. And right now, I really don’t want to be defined on any platform as crazy.
I am too happy and pleased with myself for that to be the one label I see everywhere.
And why “Taylor, Sometimes”? – because I can’t just put Taylor.
While working on this rebrand, I looked for so many things where my brand could just be my name. Unfortunately, I waited 7 years to make this change, and the unique username pool is pretty small.
But, I think it fits. Sometimes I’m doing great, sometimes I’m not. But one thing I definitely learned for sure is that I am going to be just fine once the moment has passed.
And I have a new logo, so that’s pretty dope.
